8:00pm…please come soon! PS thank you sis…

^Tim taking pics while I’m getting my biopsy….thanks…?

I feel terrible that I completely forgot to tell everyone about Niagra Falls turning purple for pancreatic cancer!!!!  I came home Monday night (after chemo at the hospital and biopsy) and was here watching it online not even thinking about saying it on my blog…Facebook… Twitter… oops!!  I’m sure at least some of y’all watched! 🙂  It was very cool!

Today was…not an eventful day.  I slept, got sick, and counted down the hours on the clock.  My nurse should be here anywhere in the next 30 minutes (7:30-8pm) to unhook me from chemo. I cannot wait!!! I am ready to stop the poison.  I feel drained. I have other things going on with my body that is making me anemic this week.  So yeah, I am just ready for at least the chemo part of this week to be complete and then maybe things will improve.

I wanted to share an essay my little sister had wrote about me for a class of hers. She received an A+ of coarse. It made me cry when she had sent it to me for approval!   My sister has never really expressed to me her feelings of me, my sickness, our relationship etc. so this was a very nice surprise. 🙂

Never Give Up

Any obstacle or struggle that life throws at me I am positive I can handle. I’m not saying it won’t be difficult, or that at times I might want to break down and cry, but I sure as hell can say that I will NEVER give up. I believe that I was placed on Earth for various reasons, one of them being to prove to God that I am capable of anything I put my mind to. Eight months ago, I might have not been able to say this. Someone very valuable to me taught me the true meaning of “never give up,” and this person is my sister, Ashley.

In February of 2012, my sister was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic cancer. The diagnosis took a major toll on my emotions, considering she is my only sister. It became hard for me to accept the fact that I was potentially losing my sister considering the one year survival rate is 10% and the five year survival rate an astounding 5%. Nearly every night, I cried myself to sleep. The thing that broke my heart the most was thinking about how Ashley felt; knowing her life could be taken away at any second, losing her hair, and not being to live the adventurous lifestyle that she has been used to. However, I am proud to say that Ashley has not and will not let cancer defeat her. Eight months later, she is extremely healthy and active. Her doctors are amazed by how well she is doing; even they did not believe she would live past seven months. On December 1, she is getting married to the man she has been with ten years, the man who provides and nurtures her while she may not be able to, the man I am proud to call my brother-in-law; Tim.

The fact that my sister has outlived what the doctors expected never ceases to amaze me. Recently in our conversation, Ashley said, “I truly believe your mind is very powerful if you believe in yourself and educate yourself. Miracles can happen.” I could not agree with her more. Many times she has been put down, saying she will not live long, that her cancer is only progressing. Ashley has not once let what other people believe influence her. She is hard headed and will gladly show others that they are wrong; that she is capable of all things she sets her mind to.

With so many events taking place in my life right now, I easily become overwhelmed. The other day, I had a difficult Physics test that I knew in my mind I was bound to fail. My teacher did not teach half of the materials that were on the study guide. I wanted to give up studying. “One F, who cares? It’s my senior year anyways.” Then I thought about my sister, and instantly realized I could not let this defeat me. I sucked it up and learned the material on my own, resulting in a B+ on the test.

Whenever I get upset and feel like giving up, I turn to my sister. She is my role model. Ashley taught me how to walk, how to be myself, and the most valuable lesson of all; never give up. I can never thank her enough for this, and everything I do, I will do it for Ashley.

^Thank you sis!  I love you!!

As weak as I feel on days like today I know I can’t give up.  I need to push myself.  I need pull through.  I need to remember I can do this, I can beat the odds. I can do this for myself. I can fight for everyone fighting cancer.  The odds are completely stacked against me which makes me more determined.

My life…