Celebrate good times! :)

We did it!!!!!  My best friend and I finally had our white wedding!!!  We have been together for almost 11 years… do the math, I haven’t even been out of high school for 10 years yet so yes, since High School. 🙂  We have pictures from prom and wedding and everything in between.  We have traveled all of the states and beyond and actually have a hard time thinking of a place we haven’t been to yet! We have been legally married for 5 years but I never changed my last name nor had we ever had our day.

This year was the hardest year of our lives. It had been over a year ago now that the symptoms began.  I recall all the sickness I had and the fact I’ve had pancreatic cancer over a year now.  I was officially diagnosed the beginning of this year (waited way too long before I had to be rushed to the ER at night) and when they diagnosed me I didn’t expect to live to April and neither did the doctors.  This year was full of heartache, pain, sadness and struggles that we wanted to end this year with this celebration, our day.  We celebrated our time together that has been full of happiness, craziness and life. We have had the most amazing experiences in a decade. I am so thankful to be alive and feel so good that I know I will see Christmas and ring in the new year!

The weekend (Friday – Sunday) didn’t go as planned, well the last month didn’t go as planned.  I had a very hard month, pain and cancer wise and then had chemotherapy on Monday when most brides are stressing the most that last final week I am getting poisoned.  The week I was tired and with my doctors appointments and what have you I was in too much pain that by Friday when we were in the hospital I just wanted to cancel Saturday.  I didn’t care about anything and just wanted to stay home.  I hurt so bad and no one could understand, we of coarse continued through with that night and I was ok but had an agonizing headache at dinner Friday night.  I know I did a video blog and tried to be cheery but my head felt like it was going to explode.  I try smile through it all but sometimes you just feel like screaming and crying. I had a nice night though and depended on meds to help cope but come Saturday things changed.  Of coarse I was so stressed in the morning especially when we were behind on time but my pain in my body had subsided! When things were falling into place I was thinking ‘omg… no pain!.. is this Gods work??’  Then I lasted the entire not without pain and following morning. I wondered ‘ could stress really have hurt me  or could it have been stress that caused all the pain and issues??!’  that’s crazy!   I know all the health issues stress can cause but I couldn’t believe it could be that.

I am hoping the pain was from stress and I don’t have to go through targeted radiation. I really want just chemo to work and for things to go the way they were going for the first 8 months before my spleen problem and issues began.  Of coarse everyone wants things to work out and they don’t go as planned but we can try our best and pray! 🙂

It is back to focusing on health and kickin’ this thing out of me! I still have a full planned out month and crazy enough have so many plans from now until May 2013…crazy!!!  We have travels every single month and I couldn’t be any happier!!!

I wish everyone a happy Monday!! xoxo