John Hopkins Friday & Happy Monday today! ;)

^Yea yea….. so I got a little bored waiting for my the doctor at John Hopkins after speaking with the fellow….. haha….. it happens….

^ See….. Tim was bored as well…. haha!  I suggest some TVs in there with some good ol reality shows, might as well let my brain rot as I sit in a miserable place 😉

My John Hopkins appointment went well on Friday.  Did I get anything out of it?   Not really.  They are on the same page though as my hospital so that is always a plus.  I know Tim has wanted to transfer me for a while here and trying to convince me and he said “Ok, this will determine everything, come here”  Where does he take me?  The CAFETERIA!  “Look! omg this is SO much better than Georgetown!”  hahaha…. wow!   Ok, back to the story.  It was an all day event at the hospital and we saw people that we hadn’t seen in months which is always nice… especially when you are going through what I am and they understand and are just so genuinely happy. We went over with the doctor again taking it from the beginning and explainng how it was adenocarinoma of unknown origin and how it was tossed between pancreas and cervical in the beginning. For those of you unaware… when I was diagnosed the morning following my ER visit it was determined I have Stage 4 metastatic pancreatic cancer. I was hospitalized for a month and was released on a Thursday and had a visit the following day only to find out there was a conference held about me in which the doctors wanted to change my chemotherapy drugs because they were not 100% it was pancreatic cancer.  The whole statistics and complicated situation that I have had really confused them and they were unsure if it was possibly cervical. I did start chemo on that Monday and then about a month or 2 into it they retracked and believed it was panc. The doctor on Friday (at JH) advised they were right and it was highly unlikely it would be cervical.  They will never know 100% where it originated from because of its complexicity and how its spread to the degree it did but they are 90%+ it’s pancreatic and the treatment they have me on for panc is working, so that works for me.  I am unsure the percentage of how many females get pancreatic cancer 26yrs or younger – Stage 4 or how many people my age or younger get cancer that has an unknown primary… though I believe it’s 5%?  So put the 2 together and I’m 1 in……???  Awesome…

Saturday was terrible all day.  I am not sure if it was the doctor hard tapping all over my abdomen or what but I had felt like I had just had chemo the previous day (like the Tues after chemo) and I was out shopping and getting an alignment/ tire rotation and such all day Saturday before heading back to DC for a company work party with my girly and could not shake it!  It’s hard to explain what it feels like to get chemo or what it feels like the day after.  Everyone is different depending on the chemo drugs you get along with the persons condition (weight, activity level, age etc).  I feel just… icky.  Just a poisony/sickly feeling,… haha I know that doesn’t exactly help anyone grasp how I feel, but it’s so hard to explain! I do handle my drugs very well which is why it is December and I am on the same treatment I started in March.  The doctor was surprised I hadn’t developed neuropathy yet but I’m happy!  Anyways I also felt so hungry and wanted to eat nonstop… haha!  After chemo or even during I always want to eat.  For some reason in my head I feel like eating soaks up the toxins, like eating after a night of drinking… does it work?  No.  We do it anyhow though.  I’m not sure what was up with me.

Then today… accomplished more than I have in a long time in 1 day!  I worked all day at my 2nd job, did a ton of laundry, went through the whole bucket of mail that is still going to Fredericksburg, paid bills, cleaned, organized Tims own closet in the spare 3rd bedroom upstairs… ok enough details, but basically I got a lot done! Happy Monday to me! I felt not so bad for the most part!! I didn’t pop an oxy until early afternoon.  I prefer oxycodone over my oxycotins. If you knock drugs then you are just jealous you don’t have any… haha.  It’s like having a drink after a long hard day.  In my case I have pain and you take it and just feel.. ahhh…..    Cancer is so day by day.  Some days you feel like ‘omg shoot me now’ and some days you feel like ‘Wait, I have what?!’  It’s life.  No matter what you should never take it for granted. You can be a healthy horse and die tomorrow in a car accident, plane crash, random shooting… who knows. Be the best you can be and you will get what you deserve out of life.

Make it a Happy Monday everyone! Do something that makes you happy 🙂

xoxo ~Ash