Who took their 10 month in chemo like a trooper again????? hahah! Last night I was like SHOOT ME NOW, like always because when you are getting that many hours of fluid… you feel ginormous and you feel bad for all your healthy cells that you just poisoned and it makes your body hurt! I wasn’t sure from going without chemo… reminder I was NEVER on a “chemo break” .. I was on a “My blood counts were too low too allow chemo” then I got Folfirinox then back to my 3 drug chemo which I’ve been back on now since last month but had a gradual dose increase to watch my blood and wasn’t sure how yesterdays would go but DAMN! Not too shabby! I try my best to lay low. I have a hard time not doing anything so that makes it difficult. I just wish it was rainy or so cold or basically terrible outside so that I feel better about being in, but does it ever work out that way? Ha. My pre-meds do prevent me from getting sick but I’m not dead to the world or anything. Then…. I get hungry like I really want to eat but if I try something I feel grossed out and sick and can’t eat, what a lose-lose!!
Also, my left side spleen/ pancreas tumor pain has subsided since the toxins hit it! That’s a plus! Those cells were burned! 😉
I obviously do not get a lot of comments on this blog but I do get a lot of messages and e-mails and for that, I thank you all! With that said, I have been thinking about going back to how I’ve always dealt with things and in a more private manner. No one had a clue I was sick last October.. November.. December 2011 because I kept it to myself, which unfortunately the disease was spreading and progressing as time went on without the tlc it needed. When I started this blog I had pictured the young girl in her hospital room looking out and wanting someone to talk to who could understand and someone she could look to. I remember so many days of being in the hospital and just looking around and wondering how my life did a 180 overnight and why am I the youngest one with this disease at this stage, spread to the extent mine did. I prefer to compare apples to apples. Anyways, I have a couple of good pc friends who one is fighting stage 4, same as myself who I adore and we are going pancreatic events together in 2013 and one who beat stage 4 pc and I truly admire that found out more about me and have been able to keep in touch from this or FB and for that, I’m so thankful! On the other hand, there are other reasons I’d like to delete it all and the people who shouldn’t get their info about me from the internet will have to get ahold of me the normal way (if you’re thinking “huh?” then this doesn’t pertain to you 😉 ). So there ya go.
I might as well continue at least for the next week days since thats all we have left, right Mayans?? haha!
I hope everyone had a Happy Tuesday, be happy.. think positive.. things will work out.
~Ash xoxo
Cancer Kickin' Girl 
Ash-I spoke w/Kasey earlier-we would like ya to continue the blog-she doesn’t have word press, I do,& I just got a new comp-a Windows 8,so hopin ya get this..i sent ya a message over @ fb that you do a good job w/this,write well,and convey truth-& ya know that is what it is really all about-your real journey each day..Lynn(Viv) Clymo
Well I think you are just wonderful and I really enjoy receiving your updates. It will be sad not to get them if you do decide to stop, as I will wonder how you are going. Maybe you might think about less frequent updates? Anyway if you do stop I wish you a wonderful journey. You do inspire me and its comforting how well you cope with the crappiest of days. It gives me hope my dad can do as well as you too. Take care.
I like to keep in touch with you and celebrate your accomplishments. I know I could check in other places as well, but then we could not see your beautiful face:)
Ashley, I wish I had started a blog or journal when I was first diagnosed. I truly understand the need to stay private and your reason to maybe stop bloging, but I just wanted you to know that you truly inspire and motivate me and every other person that is fighting this disease. When ever I have a bad day, I just read your blog and see how hard you’re battling. Ashley, I know you got this thing beat…….
Ken
In my opinion, for what that’s worth because you don’t know me but I feel like I have gotten to know you from “pancan”. I enjoy reading your blog and I feel that you are an inspiration to all no matter what their fight. As you know I had surgery for a pancreatic mass in March and although I feel good, it is always in the back of my mind. If you do decide to discontinue your blog, please stay on Facebook though. As I said, you are an inspiration for living life–a remarkable young woman. I am glad that I got to know you (on Facebook) even though it was through these horrible circumstances
Ashley,
Your blog is bringing so much hope to more people than you can imagine. We are strangers but I always smile when I see that an update from you has arrived in my mailbox. I find myself thinking that if you can do what you do with such a positive attitude, then there should be no complaints coming from my mouth! You must do what is best for you. If you decide to stop blogging, know that you’ll remain in the hearts, thoughts, and prayers of many. May good health soon be yours once again. God Bless!
Although I don’t know you personally, I admire your courage and spirit. I would miss your progress if you discontued your email. God speed. Bro Waverly Osborne. Carlisle Baptist Church.
Ashley, I enjoy following your blog and hearing of your day to day struggles and especially of your victories. If its helpful to you to blog, keep it up! You are a great writer and It sounds like it helps other people too but it’s your private fight.
Ash, your blog helps us “kick it” with you. Hate to see it go but if you feel you want to stop then stop. I know how to get in touch.
Ashley, I found your site while looking for information for my best friend of 30 yrs, as he just found out 2 wks ago. I gave him this site and advised that he needed to check it out. Naturally, he’s still in the first stages of the 5 or so phases that one goes through when they find out about their new chronic or terminal illness. I showed him what a GREAT example you were in your faith and determination in fighting yours. He could hardly believe what you’ve been through and still have the “tude” to boot….LOL. I myself had been through something similar a few years ago when facing the unknown (at first) when I was dx’d w/HCV. Back in those earlier years, not a whole lot was known and very few web sites or support sites were available. One that you maybe aware of was WebMD…….but at that time it was known as SHN (Sapient Health Network) and it was not long that there were several people from there that started their own info/support sites. It was then that I was asked by a couple of those site managers to assist them to mentor the “newbies” and help monitor their chat sessions. Of course I had done my homework and much to the chagrin of my wife, researched and studied my new found enemy. As the famous ancient Chinese Gen Sun Tzu put it, the more you know about your enemy, the better prepared to fight him. Thus far, it’s been a work in progress for him, I just need to let him come around to face facts and reality. With all of this said Ash, I would hope that you carry on and continue to be an inspiration to others like my friend. God bless and Merry Christmas and a whole bunches more NEW YEARS!!!!!
BTW, I’m a former Michigander…..Flint/Grand Blanc 😉 Kenn
Ashley, I have never met you but I remember seeing this young beautiful girl in a survivor shirt at the Phildelphia PurpleStride. Somehow the next day I came upon your blog and have read it everyday since. My father was diagnosed with Stage 2 in September and progressed to stage 4 in November. Your blog gives such inspiration for those fighting. Your words and real live accounts keep people fighting. I understand your privacy but I enjoy reading your journey. I don’t comment but it doesn’t mean I’m not reading. Keep fighting!
I vote that you keep it! I think that it this blog is really capable of bringing some form of hope to someone, that may feel down in the dumps. A lot of people read this. We might not comment, but we are reading:)
Ashley, we’ve never met, either, but your blog is the first website I turn to each day. I don’t know if you have any idea how much your words inspire us to keep going and keep growing. I actually apply the lessons you’ve taught me to life every day. I lost my mom to pc two months ago and know how harsh and discouraging this road can be, yet you continually look up and give your best each day. If you do decide blogging’s too much, perhaps you might cut back to a more doable level.
Hey Ashley, I look forward to your blog everyday. My Daddy & I kept up with Patrick Swayze like crazy when he was battling PC. My dad died April 12, 2010. The ones of us left behind need to know there are more warriors out there fighting. Your in my prayers every night Ashley.
Ashley,
My wife was diagnosed last fall with stage 2 PC, after 3 months of chemo (Fulfirinox) and 6 weeks of radiation\chemo, she was fortunate enough to be able to have surgery this past July. She just finished 3 months of “preventative” chemo (Gemcitibine) and although she feels good for the most part, there is always the concern of re-occurrence. Enough about us, obviously you need to do what is right for you, (mentally and physically) just know that you are a great inspiration to many people (maybe lack of “comments” don’t show that) who look forward to the updates and progress in your battle against this terrible disease. Congratulations on your recent marriage, and know that you have a special man there.
Good Luck with all that you do, hope to catch you at a PANCAN event this year.