Merry Christmas!!

 

                                     MERRY CHRISTMAS

Man, I cannot believe its Christmas! I believe it but again when I am bored and looking at my phone occasionally I’ll find myself scrolling through the photos and what a change I’ve been through. I’m excited for December 31 and to close out 2012 and welcome a brand new year! But I do live in the moment every day and am thankful for life every day and its Christmas and I am so thankful I am alive and for the most part am doing well. Christmas hasn’t been about presents and what I’m getting for many many years now. I’m in my mid 20s and have appreciated all the wonderful moments and memories I’ve made along the way. Christmas has been about family and this year the word family means so much more to me then any other time in my life. When you think of family you may think of your brothers, sister, parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts & uncles etc. or you may think of the word dysfunctional, crazy, etc … Ok, I’m kidding 😉 but I’ve realized what family is. I may not be fortunate enough to come from a big great supportive family.   I know I don’t and I’ve had a lot of resentment in this past year to that little known fact for everything I’ve done for them but I’ve really come to terms with it and have let a lot go. Sometimes you have to let go of the bad in your life and when that’s “family” so be it.  I know now family isn’t always blood, it really is simply amazing people who are in your life through the good and the bad, the people who are always there for you when you are in need and the people who love you for you. Also not the ones that come out of the woodwork after quite some time and now just want to catch up because of a diagnosis.

I have different families. I have the people I am close to like in-laws and that side of the family and  and I have my purple family which most I obviously met this year and besides the common denominator we have being some sort of relationship with pancreatic cancer, I’ve met some of the most amazing human beings. The people who have such great hearts and really bring out the best in you. The people you surround yourself with define you. I’m surrounded by people from all walks of life and that does define me. I appreciate a good person whom you can trust their word or a handshake. You don’t find that very often these days and its just the way it is. I know I’ve had some underlying tones in previous posts and more than anger I’ve had hurt and disappointment. This is why I’m choosing to really take the reins for my life. No doctor or person is going to tell me I only have so long… In which I’ve far passed that sooo… What’s the timeline now?  I have total charge (ok, so I need their help of coarse! 🙂 ) and I will make my future. I will continue to surround myself with my definition of family and continue to progress as I have been! 🙂

For many who haven’t followed me for the 3 months since I started this maybe don’t realize I did not plan to see Christmas. Nobody saw me living for much long after my diagnosis which to me was my breaking point. I should have gone to the hospital severalonths before I did and would have been diagnosed but ya know, I’m stubborn and didn’t. 😉 I am here though! I’m alive and kickin and moving and… Groovin? Haha ok…. I know I say it often but please believe. Believe in yourself, believe in miracles. I would never advise religion on here or even believing everything happens for a reason although I have my views, I understand where those of you are coming from that have wrote me emails. Believe you can do whatever you set your mind to!

With that, I must say… Merry Christmas!!!  I hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed holiday!!   ♥  ♥

xoxo ~Ash

Merry Christmas Eve!! :o)

My personal tree 🙂

So of coarse I had to have a purple tree this year.  ^^ That is my tree! I love it so very much and it means a lot to me every time I see it.  It makes me think.  Makes me happy… makes me sad… makes me determined… brings me encouragement. A simple thing like a tree inside your home, decorated, can say so much.  I wanted a purple tree for the obvious reasons but I also wanted to incorporate my “purple family” into my tree to make it even more unique and custom to me.  I try to be creative and I’ve never been one to take the beaten path in life.  I bought ornaments and painted names of people that have really inspired me.  I didn’t take pics yet because they were still drying and I was packing when I took this pic but I wanted to add a special touch.  It’s actually funny because when I posted this picture online someone from my purple family actually had the same idea… hey great minds think alike!!  I want you all to know next year you will see my creation.  😉

Well I made it to Michigan! I am here and festivities have started!  It started out right when I greeted by one of my best friends and her family which is my 2nd family.  We bowled… yea I even bowled!! I hit pins!!  hahaha… that is the idea right?  Well I have never been a bowler because I am not the best at it and if you know anything about me I love sports that I am great in like soccer, volleyball, mini golf (haha!).. words with friends  😉

Then we went out, like drinks and karaoke out.  Though… I did not drink or do karaoke but I was serenaded to and still had a great night!!  Nothing is better than a night with good company!

I am VERY HAPPY chemo went well one week ago today because I was actually scheduled for chemotherapy today.  I would be sitting in there getting infused had I not last week so amen to that! I am thankful for my blood, prayers, and all of you amazing people that inspire me more than you know.  Your continuous words of encouragement actually push me to push myself harder to succeed in this battle. That is the best present I could ever ask for!

On to the in-laws Christmas party for the night! Merry Christmas!

xoxo  ~Ash