MERRY CHRISTMAS
Man, I cannot believe its Christmas! I believe it but again when I am bored and looking at my phone occasionally I’ll find myself scrolling through the photos and what a change I’ve been through. I’m excited for December 31 and to close out 2012 and welcome a brand new year! But I do live in the moment every day and am thankful for life every day and its Christmas and I am so thankful I am alive and for the most part am doing well. Christmas hasn’t been about presents and what I’m getting for many many years now. I’m in my mid 20s and have appreciated all the wonderful moments and memories I’ve made along the way. Christmas has been about family and this year the word family means so much more to me then any other time in my life. When you think of family you may think of your brothers, sister, parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts & uncles etc. or you may think of the word dysfunctional, crazy, etc … Ok, I’m kidding 😉 but I’ve realized what family is. I may not be fortunate enough to come from a big great supportive family. I know I don’t and I’ve had a lot of resentment in this past year to that little known fact for everything I’ve done for them but I’ve really come to terms with it and have let a lot go. Sometimes you have to let go of the bad in your life and when that’s “family” so be it. I know now family isn’t always blood, it really is simply amazing people who are in your life through the good and the bad, the people who are always there for you when you are in need and the people who love you for you. Also not the ones that come out of the woodwork after quite some time and now just want to catch up because of a diagnosis.
I have different families. I have the people I am close to like in-laws and that side of the family and and I have my purple family which most I obviously met this year and besides the common denominator we have being some sort of relationship with pancreatic cancer, I’ve met some of the most amazing human beings. The people who have such great hearts and really bring out the best in you. The people you surround yourself with define you. I’m surrounded by people from all walks of life and that does define me. I appreciate a good person whom you can trust their word or a handshake. You don’t find that very often these days and its just the way it is. I know I’ve had some underlying tones in previous posts and more than anger I’ve had hurt and disappointment. This is why I’m choosing to really take the reins for my life. No doctor or person is going to tell me I only have so long… In which I’ve far passed that sooo… What’s the timeline now? I have total charge (ok, so I need their help of coarse! 🙂 ) and I will make my future. I will continue to surround myself with my definition of family and continue to progress as I have been! 🙂
For many who haven’t followed me for the 3 months since I started this maybe don’t realize I did not plan to see Christmas. Nobody saw me living for much long after my diagnosis which to me was my breaking point. I should have gone to the hospital severalonths before I did and would have been diagnosed but ya know, I’m stubborn and didn’t. 😉 I am here though! I’m alive and kickin and moving and… Groovin? Haha ok…. I know I say it often but please believe. Believe in yourself, believe in miracles. I would never advise religion on here or even believing everything happens for a reason although I have my views, I understand where those of you are coming from that have wrote me emails. Believe you can do whatever you set your mind to!
With that, I must say… Merry Christmas!!! I hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed holiday!! ♥ ♥
xoxo ~Ash
Cancer Kickin' Girl 
Ashley you obviously have a good man that believes in you, and your “four-legged boys” who needs more than that? I wasn’t sure that we would have my wife this Christmas, but you have to believe. We are going to start planning a purple tree for next year.
Ashley, I believe miracles happen every day…we just dont slow down to see them or we “rationalize” them away, but they are happening still. Sometimes it takes us facing such a great battle to open our eyes. Mine were opened July 29th at 3:40pm when I got the call from Dr that my daddy had pancreatic cancer. I was given strength that I can tell you, did not come from me. I was given the strength I needed to help my Daddy face his battle. Charge on girl! Family is people that love & support you. It doesnt have to be blood bound they are heart bound.