Oh ChemO… no fun!

Helllooooo!!!! 🙂 🙂   I am trying to be upbeat as possible while getting chemo!!  I was going to do videos to show what a typical chemo day is for me but I was running late this morning and had an unscheduled visit with my oncologist who had to see me after I was accessed so no big surprise that that didn’t go as planned.  Next time I will!!  I have been asked to do this by many, some who have no connection with cancer, some younger people or some who know people that have cancer but have no idea what they mean when they get chemo.  I was that person.  I don’t have a family history of cancer but my Grandma is the only one I knew of with it and she passed in 2007 after a long fight with ovarian cancer.  When grandma told me she was going in to get chemo I just assumed it was some medication that she was going to take, kinda like another office visit that most her age have on a weekly basis.  I had no clue. So again, I will do the videos next time.

My oncologist is still happy, amazed, shocked and surprised by my response and improvement that I have made.  WooHOO!! Always happy to impress! Kickin’ PC butt.

As I said, I am currently hooked up and the toxic liquids are going into a major vein through a port in my chest (if you can see of the picture above).   I am doing good!  I am feeling just fine and only wish this feeling would last all week. Sadly I anticipate feeling pretty miserable tomorrow and the following day.  So please don’t be shocked if you don’t hear too much from me this week.  I check in to say I’m alive but other than that I feel dead.

I get the ol’ nasty Benedryl in my pre-meds and this makes me fall asleep so fast after the drips start pumping in me which I don’t like.  I don’t like this because I can’t control it and it makes me feel gross.  I was out  for a couple hours and woke up and felt so nasty sweaty.  I wasn’t actually sweaty but I just on fire.  I am not sure since it’s snowy outside if they have the heat up or if its just me?  Normally I am wrapped in blankets but not today.  I always keep water next to me because I always have that “I NEED WATER NOW” feeling periodically throughout my treatment.

I have over 10 hours done!  Should be out of here by 8pm.  I wish I could try that awesome stew I started slow-cooking yesterday.  I hate that when I make something great or have stuff I want to eat but after getting treatment eating is the last thing I want to do and I feel too nauseas days after chemo to eat although I feel hungry… oh it’s the worst.

Today while getting treatment there was someone from the research/study group come to see me.  They wanted tubes of blood for the study as well as mouth rinse and measurements of my body.  Although the measurements don’t change I thought in my head how if I weighed myself tonight and then on friday there would be a 10lb difference.  I gain pounds from receiving all this liquid and then it’ll go through me as I flush my system with water and my loss of appetite for a few days, I don’t get enough calories in.  Ha… just random thinking!  The study is for research on pancreatic cancer and possibly in hopes of some type of pattern of what people are doing and the connection with the cancer.

It is time for me to say “Goodbye” to everyone reading this!  Or goodnight?  I am going to wrap some stuff up and do something… who knows what until I can get out of here and head home! 🙂

One last thing – I had a dream I was getting chemo on my birthday (which I will be) and I fell asleep (like I did) and woke up thinking I’d have some sort of ‘Happy Birthday’ message but nobody remembered… haha! So sad.  I’m not a kid or anything but for some reason I was sad in my dream that nobody cared… hahah oh my…

xoxo ~Ashley

PS Below of pics of me here today at chemotherapy.  Tim likes to take pics of me every time I sleep… I really don’t know why.  It’s not cute.  haha! but! I want to show the awesome purple blanket I received in the mail from the Purple Project.  This is a pancreatic cancer charity. Thank you for sending me this Dino!!!! Love it!! 🙂  I will bring it every time with me!

I’m sleeping… stop with the pics. But look at my purple sweater, bag and blanket! woohoo!!