It’s my BIRTHDAY I’ll cry if I want to…. in Chemo….

Age 26 –  Diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastatic Pancreatic Cancer, I am inoperable/incurable and when Tim asked “How long does she have?”  Doctors answer: “Well… it’s bad… a month? maybe 2? ”

Age 27 – Celebrated my birthday, sure I was in the hospital celebrating with my nurses but I was alive.  I believed it was my last birthday so did the doctors.

TODAY – Age 28 – Celebrating ANOTHER birthday with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer… YES!  Cheers to “more birthdays”

Well I am getting chemotherapy on my birthday today.  Many people have said, why couldn’t you switch the days?  Well I’m sure I could but I like to get it over with on a Monday. I’ve always had Monday chemos and I was in the hospital celebrating my birthday with pancreatic cancer last year so whatever.  Gosh! SO hard to think last year I was so very thankful to just celebrate my birthday as sick as I was but just knowing I was another year older, I could say I lived at least to 27 years old before the pancreatic cancer took me.  I did NOT see myself living to see 28.  The doctors, my husband, family & friends… I know nobody believed I would.  HE had another plan and knew I would when we didn’t.  I remember being in the church in my hospital this day last year as I was every day in the hospital and just asking for another birthday.  I wanted some kind of sign and I did feel it.  I didn’t believe it then but I do now.  So many say “you don’t know how powerful your mind is”  well… I do.  I do know and I am a preacher of the mindset.  I do believe in complete education and accepting the terrible hand dealt and playing the cards smart.  I don’t know why someone wouldn’t believe me when you see me.  I am fine.

This week if you saw me you may say I’m not the best but it’s because  I’m getting poisoned today and will not feel great for a couple of days obviously but check me out by the weekend.  I’m fine, I have no limitations.  If I eat wrong and by eating wrong I say eating something that is harder to digest, even if I took enzymes, it will hurt my left side.  If I overdo it physically, it will hurt my left side.  If I am a smart girl and eat what I should be and being careful not to overwork my body and irritate it then I am fine. If I get enough rest at night then I am all set.  I don’t need to be a brain surgeon to figure these things out.  It’s all common sense if you listen to your body and figure out what triggers you to feel a certain way. I can’t wait to see my new PET/CT scan results when I get it done because if I go by how I feel then it may show improvement.  I don’t know.  I didn’t have any pain on the left side prior to November no matter what I did or ate so maybe there is something going on there but I am still on the same chemo treatment for a year now and have more options if need be.  I will only get better I feel from now on because the weather will start changing around soon and getting nicer out and who doesn’t just like nice sunny weather?  I will be outside more and getting more vitamin D, longer sunny walks and just improvement overall I feel compared to the dreary cold winter. The summer really helps for patients on cold sensitivity chemo drugs.

Gosh, I had a very very sleepy chemo day today.  I normally only fall a sleep for a bit when the nasty Benedryl hits and today I was exhausted prior.  I know of coarse it’s because of my lack of sleep since Florida and running on empty but wow! I can never get much shut eye here.  Feels good!!! 🙂

My nurses caught me waking up and came and all sang “Happy Birthday” and that is where the pic above was taken… you can see it in my eyes how tired I am.. hahaha!   They rock!!! 🙂

I hope everyone had a beautiful February, 18th!!!  It was nice and quiet driving on the roads to my hops since it’s a holiday and one really celebrated here with Presidents compared to anywhere else I lived. Tomorrow is back to reality for most.

Xoxo ~Ashley