Me… getting chemo on Friday… hate chemo
Then the end will come, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. – 1 Corinthians 15:24
Happy birthday to my best friend and husband!! It’s so crazy that I can recall our teenage days together and how much fun we had being crazy teenagers and I watched him turned 20 then 30?! Wow… time flies!!
Last year was Tim’s big 3-0 and I really wanted to celebrate it although I was not well at all. I tried. I couldn’t drive to go shopping, I couldn’t eat but I still wanted to take him out. He took the day off and we spent the day together just driving and doing stuff he wanted to do then I convinced him that he should have a nice birthday dinner wherever he wanted. He wanted to although he knew I couldn’t eat and didn’t want to look odd while I sat there watching him eat, drueling as I wished I could eat. Well I ended up ordering a soup thinking I could just have a few little sips…this ended up being a major mistake. I was absolutley miserable and even asked for my life to end. I wanted to be done. I didn’t think I could handle it anymore. The pain I was in was absolutely excrutiating and I even knew we had firearms and the thought crossed my mind. When I was first diagnosed and for months prior, I would try to eat or drink and it simply wouldn’t stay in. I would be sick immediately. This time last year, last April, my body was taking in the food, like my bite of soup, but when my body went through the “breaking down” process, the pain was beyond belief. I did make this mistake more than once just craving a bite, wanting a sip and then I paid the price as I would be up all night long in insane pain and crying. I believe this was the last time I made this mistake last year and learned to not eat or drink no matter how much I desired to.
What a difference a year makes! Now I can have whatever I want although my stomach is sensitive. There are things, such as frozen food, that my body doesn’t tolerate and I simply stay away from it. It’s actually hard though because I try to follow my strict diet that I believe has helped me in the progress I’ve made although I often lose weight and that is certainly not my goal. It’s challenging to make meals that are very good for you but high in calories.
I wanted to clarify from messages I received regarding me not being able to eat after chemo or feeling ick. It’s simply that nothing sounds good and the taste of food is appalling. I have to just let the chemo drugs run through me and after 2-3 days I can eat again. I don’t get sick, I have premeds that prevent me from being sick and yes I feel nauseous but that is only if I want to try food or am so hungry. It’s kinda hard to explain unless you have received my specific drugs and can understand. It’s the same process every treatment and I basically just have to deal with it, which I’ve been doing well for quite some time now. 🙂
Anyways, off to dinner (well, getting ready sorta since I’ve been ready for the past couple hours… where are you Tim?!) and maybe something else depending on when Tim gets home. Yes he is working on his b-day. If we weren’t going out of town this weekend he would have taken it off but he doesn’t have time to take off that much. I mean, hell I had chemo on my bday (spent the last 2 birthdays in the hospital) and I always worked so he’ll be ok… haha!
Happy Tuesday everyone! xoxo ~Ashley ♥
PS… thank you for all the sweet emails and comments about me being back, holy cow I was so shocked and amazed how many people care! 🙂 I was only gone a week but it seemed like forever. Thanks to all my readers for being so amazingly sweet and supportive!! 🙂
Cancer Kickin' Girl 