ChemO nO no…Monday (Videos)

Ok fine, it’s chemo Monday.  Even got up on time sucked it up and went.  Actually!! Prior to going to chemo, I did this….

Then had chemo.  Of coarse my Dr. wanted to see me prior to the drugs after labs were drawn and just chatted about how I was doing from surgery.  Yes I got the craziest looks from the seminar thing the other day to chemo about ‘you just had surgery and you are doing so well?!!?’   Yeah 😉  I’m Ashley.

I met up with my friend Michael and talked for a while but after that I went back to chemo and they gave me Benadryl as a pre-med as usual but I was fighting it for a bit then the stuff knocked my butt out until 7pm.  haha!  I woke up like woah?!  It went from busy in the chemo unit to where did everyone go?!   Mine are so long but I was tired so there ya go.

I came home and was out… thats why this Monday post is a tad late.

xoxo ~Ashley

Thank your for educating yourself about pancreatic cancer…

^ Found this pic of us today from last September and thought I’d share it 🙂

Again, I want to thank all of you. I want to thank those of you that comment, those that send me e-mails or even have sent me 1 e-mail over the coarse of this 3 1/2 month blog and thank each of you that just read what I write because you care and those that say an extra pray for me.  I thank you! I know I have thanked you before but I could never thank you enough.  Why am I thanking you again?  No I am not looking for a huge increase in emails or responses it’s because I am more grateful that you may ever realize.

I appreciate those that have cared to learn more about pancreatic cancer and to those that want to get the awareness out because of what I have told you about pancreatic cancer and the hard honest facts.  THE TRUTH IS – If I can get pancreatic cancer SO CAN YOU!  Scary huh?  (The young healthy girl, ate well, avid runner, no family history, non soda drinker, no teeth problems – something Dr Oz said, never overweight, non smoker, occasional drinker…. girl)    There is NO early detetion.  There is no “lumps” you can feel for.  The fact is, if we don’t work together to get awareness out to get the research needed for this cancer to advance in survival rates by treatment then you may be diagnosed and you may not be lucky enough to live a year with it as I have.  A year at stage 4.  You could die from this cancer and then you will be upset that this cancer is so darn behind any other major cancer.  You could be diagnosed tomorrow or in a few years and you will want answers, you will want to know how this happened and why there hasn’t been any further advancement in pancreatic cancer in a half a century,  Sure it is slowly getting more awareness and slowly making progress but it’s got ways to come so even if you are reading this and have no connection to the cancer club, you know – the most unpopular club you could possibly belong in, the fact that you read what I wrote and know a little something about pancreatic cancer and can share with others, I thank you.

I hear people all the time talk about how they cannot believe their parent was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  These people are generally in their 20s.. 30s.. 40s.. speaking of their parents and I’m like hello?  You are speaking to me!  They are going through what I am but at a much older age.  They could be you!  It is sad when anyone is diagnosed with a life threatening disease but I can’t speak about those that I don’t know of. I can’t save the planet but I can get people to know what the purple bands worn on my right arm every day is for.

What does the pancreas do?

The pancreas is an important part of your body that produces important enzymes and hormones to break down food. Your pancreas is supposed to produce the right chemicals at the right time in the right quantities to properly digest food.

Can you live without your pancreas?

Sure you can.  You will become diabetic and live on pills like enzymes etc.  You can live without many organs but there is always a catch, you will have to take pills, have problems with this or that.  I’d rather have all my organs if I can help it and fix them.

I went from a 9-1-1 dispatcher/ tax preparer working on her CPA to a pancreatic cancer advocate.  I would say expert but I am not necessarily an expert.  One may say the doctor is the expert but I sure don’t.  I confuse my doctors on a daily basis so they aren’t experts or have experienced what I am going through first hand.  They can’t say how something will make you feel like say a specific chemo drug unless they have experienced it themselves but they try their best and thats all that matters.

The other day I was running around doing errands in northern VA and had parked next to a car, we both pulled in at the same time, and I saw on the back of her car she had a matching pancreatic cancer purple magnet!  I wanted to say something but thought it’d be weird.  That’d be weird right?  I didn’t.  I wanted to though!  What would I say, “Hey! I saw you have a pancreatic cancer magnet, do you know of someone who has pancreatic cancer?”   I don’t know… it didn’t make me happy.  It did in a way because I’m like ‘Yay! awareness!’  and then again  ‘oh no, another diagnosy’.

I just got home and I feel good good good!  Good workout today, good yoga, and it’s good to be home … at least it’s an hour before midnight…. Amen for DVR! Time for me to watch some American Idol – Yes!! 🙂

xoxo ~Ashley 💜

Anxiety, November apologies & Your PURPLE pics!!

Ok, I have a secret that those close to me know of but those of you just following my blog probably don’t and I will share it.  I get very overwhelmed (internally that is)  and major anxiety when things are in disarray in my life. I am the type that needs everything very organized, clean, everything in it’s spot and to be on top of things.  I can’t throw things in a closet, drawer or tote and call it good.  I’ve always been like this and to get to the nitty gritty of what I’m talking about you would probably think I am crazy (or crazier 😉 ) but it’s all good.  I

12-12-12

^ Day after the wedding (I look too tired! haha) at the Casino with the in-laws.  I lost $50 in the first 3 minutes we arrived then slowed down the gambling and won 1/2 of what I spent back.  I am baddddd luck when it comes to any contest/gamble.. never won a thing.

I’m starting this post at 12:12pm because they say today is a lucky day, some say luckiest day, and although I won’t finish it until later I am trying to up my luck in any way. I thought I heard the same thing on 7-7-07?   There are a lot of people getting married in Vegas or wherever (again), and it’s the last time most of us will ever see a sequential date.  Hey I’m not knocking today. I can use any luck on any given day.

John Hopkins Friday & Happy Monday today! ;)

^Yea yea….. so I got a little bored waiting for my the doctor at John Hopkins after speaking with the fellow….. haha….. it happens….

^ See….. Tim was bored as well…. haha!  I suggest some TVs in there with some good ol reality shows, might as well let my brain rot as I sit in a miserable place 😉

My John Hopkins appointment went well on Friday.  Did I get anything out of it?   Not really.  They are on the same page though as my hospital so that is always a plus.  I know Tim has wanted to transfer me for a while here and trying to convince me and he said “Ok, this will determine everything, come here”  Where does he take me?  The CAFETERIA!  “Look! omg this is SO much better than Georgetown!”  hahaha…. wow!   Ok, back to the story.  It was an all day event at the hospital and we saw people that we hadn’t seen in months which is always nice… especially when you are going through what I am and they understand and are just so genuinely happy. We went over with the doctor again taking it from the beginning and explainng how it was adenocarinoma of unknown origin and how it was tossed between pancreas and cervical in the beginning. For those of you unaware… when I was diagnosed the morning following my ER visit it was determined I have Stage 4 metastatic pancreatic cancer. I was hospitalized for a month and was released on a Thursday and had a visit the following day only to find out there was a conference held about me in which the doctors wanted to change my chemotherapy drugs because they were not 100% it was pancreatic cancer.  The whole statistics and complicated situation that I have had really confused them and they were unsure if it was possibly cervical. I did start chemo on that Monday and then about a month or 2 into it they retracked and believed it was panc.

To go or not to go to the…. American Country Music Awards

I got amazing news the other day!!! I found out I won tickets to be in the front row of the American Country Music Awards!!!!  I was ecstatic because I knew that meant going to the NFR and having another fun time in Vegas!!! Then… reality came back.  We just spent thousands and thousands of dollars for our wedding.  I have a a lot of bling on my left hand and my dress was all bling and the blinged event meant $$$$$$$  so would it be smart to spend another couple thousand to have more fun in Vegas?  We were just there not too long ago but I know being front row (which I was all summer long at country concerts) is so much fun!!

Celebrate good times! :)

We did it!!!!!  My best friend and I finally had our white wedding!!!  We have been together for almost 11 years… do the math, I haven’t even been out of high school for 10 years yet so yes, since High School. 🙂  We have pictures from prom and wedding and everything in between.  We have traveled all of the states and beyond and actually have a hard time thinking of a place we haven’t been to yet! We have been legally married for 5 years but I never changed my last name nor had we ever had our day.

This year was the hardest year of our lives. It had been over a year ago now that the symptoms began.  I recall all the sickness I had and the fact I’ve had pancreatic cancer over a year now.  I was officially diagnosed the beginning of this year (waited way too long before I had to be rushed to the ER at night) and when they diagnosed me I didn’t expect to live to April and neither did the doctors.  This year was full of heartache, pain, sadness and struggles that we wanted to end this year with this celebration, our day.  We celebrated our time together that has been full of happiness, craziness and life. We have had the most amazing experiences in a decade. I am so thankful to be alive and feel so good that I know I will see Christmas and ring in the new year!

The weekend (Friday – Sunday) didn’t go as planned, well the last month didn’t go as planned.  I had a very hard month, pain and cancer wise and then had chemotherapy on Monday when most brides are stressing the most that last final week I am getting poisoned.  The week I was tired and with my doctors appointments and what have you I was in too much pain that by Friday when we were in the hospital I just wanted to cancel Saturday.  I didn’t care about anything and just wanted to stay home.  I hurt so bad and no one could understand, we of coarse continued through with that night and I was ok but had an agonizing headache at dinner Friday night.  I know I did a video blog and tried to be cheery but my head felt like it was going to explode.  I try smile through it all but sometimes you just feel like screaming and crying. I had a nice night though and depended on meds to help cope but come Saturday things changed.  Of coarse I was so stressed in the morning especially when we were behind on time but my pain in my body had subsided! When things were falling into place I was thinking ‘omg… no pain!.. is this Gods work??’  Then I lasted the entire not without pain and following morning. I wondered ‘ could stress really have hurt me  or could it have been stress that caused all the pain and issues??!’  that’s crazy!   I know all the health issues stress can cause but I couldn’t believe it could be that.

I am hoping the pain was from stress and I don’t have to go through targeted radiation. I really want just chemo to work and for things to go the way they were going for the first 8 months before my spleen problem and issues began.  Of coarse everyone wants things to work out and they don’t go as planned but we can try our best and pray! 🙂

It is back to focusing on health and kickin’ this thing out of me! I still have a full planned out month and crazy enough have so many plans from now until May 2013…crazy!!!  We have travels every single month and I couldn’t be any happier!!!

I wish everyone a happy Monday!! xoxo

Got my lucky shot….powerball winner is me??

Hello! 🙂   I had my NEULASTA shot today, not to be confused with NEUPOGEN.  Neupogen is a shot you can get daily and what I had today was a one time shot of Neulasta.  They are different shots for different things and a huge cost difference as well.  The shot was nothing for me.  I forgot to take meds beforehand or even Clariten like many advised…. oops 😦     The nurses were surprised at how well I was doing given I just had chemo the other day.  I didn’t feel I was doing exceptionally well or anything special but I guess compared to others I suppose I can handle it better.  I mean, I was tired, there for a shot I didn’t want and have a million and one things on my mind so… just what it was.   The effects of the shot aren’t immediate but I had major spleen area pain today.  I was on my drugs for that which really didn’t take all the pain off.   Anyways, I guess I could have asked for my CA19-9 results today that were taken on Monday, but I chose not to.  Honestly I didn’t think of it at the hospital but I’m thankful because I don’t think I want to know if it’s gone up, granted it’s not a huge indicator, still a direction upward is not what I want.

Having major ‘chemo brain’ yesterday I saw I wrote something about have a great Monday??  Oops!!  Clearly it was Tuesday and not just any Tuesday, it was giving back tuesday!  Anyone see online the #givingback going on?  Well I did my ‘giving back’ as educating people about pancreatic cancer.  Here is an article published by the Leesburg Today:

http://www.leesburgtoday.com/opinion/letters/letter-ashley-anderson-washington-dc/article_38b91e26-37d1-11e2-8bf0-001a4bcf887a.html

On a side note – I wouldn’t mind being the lucky jackpot winner 🙂  Hey… I could use a little luck this year!

Happy WEDNESDAY everyone 😉   xoxo

Harder chemo + Neutropenia & Neulasta shot?

So yesterday didn’t go as planned eh?  I had my day configured with the shorter chemo and getting hooked up at home and doing other things but it NEVER goes as planned.  So!  What happened was I was accessed whenI got into infusion but was told I had to see my oncologist.  I was confused because I wasn’t aware of an appointment but apparently she threw it in there and told me that am.  No problem, at least I was hoping….?   So, by that time my blood work was back and I was told AFTER getting chemo 2 weeks ago my platelets went up!!! Highest they’ve been since August!  WoohoO! So, then she reconsidered my treatment and debated going back to the harder more aggressive drugs which I’ve handled so darn well and made her decision she would.  It was almost a toss up because what if this typical Folfirinox could do better for me?  But, I saw awesome results from the other which didn’t even finish its run time on me, it simply was my spleen issues which we had said so many times.  I was glad to go back to the harsher one because of what I just said, I’ve seen amazing results.  Obviously my health and youth help with having a harder regimen BUT I cannot stand when people say I have “youth on my side”.  Umm…. no!!  My cells are younger, smarter, developing faster which means things can progress faster so youth is NOT always helpful.

I found out I had Neutropenia?  Basically my white blood counts were too low prior to chemo,  I received chemo and now need a Neulasta shot.  Since leaving my house is the last thing I wanted to do today I will get the shot in the am.  I have a small window to get it in and hopefully its not as bad as the horror stories I have heard about because I have no time for achy bones!   The shot is intended to boost my white blood count because there are way too many risks in having a severely low white blood count and the slight risks the shot could have are insignificant to the risks of a severely low WBC.

Today has been…..terrible.  Actually even last night was miserable and trust me… I didn’t want company.  Don’t get it?   ha.. nevermind  🙂   I just felt crappy after getting the terrible Benedryl through IV, the chemo treatment lasts forever because of all the extra premeds you need for these drugs and you leave about 10lbs heavier from all the liquids you received for way too many hours. You just feel so crummy and can’t get comfortable.  Same thing all today.  Not a day in the park. All electronics have been turned off, well I spoke with 2 people (who read this so I’ll be honest and say other than you 2… no chit chatting here! 🙂   ) .   Tomorrow should be better lets hope.  Oh, thats another thing.  My meds include meds that keep you from getting sick for 5 days so yesterday and today I felt sick, but couldn’t get sick…gross.

I was happy to wake up to lots of water bottles laying next to my bed and someone went to the organic store to get me salad and crackers and my fav veggies. 🙂   It’s all about flushing this stuff out!!  Flush away because toxins and dead cells gotta go!  Also what a reflection my white blood count has from my diet!!   I’ve been stressing hardcore and out and about every day so my diet has been way off and horrid and it’s a clear reflection in all my blood counts this week!  I’ve gotta fix that if I want to stay on my harder chemo.  That will be easier for me after this weekend. 🙂

Have a happy Monday y’all!!!  Remember it’s still PANCREATIC CANCER AWARENESS MONTH!!!!!! Make sure everyone you know knows!!!! 🙂  🙂   We can beat this together!!

xoxo

Platelet prayers worked!! Chemo Monday for me!! :)

Join me on a journey in my hospital….

This was after I was accessed for chemo but had to visit my oncologist in which I was unaware but apparently she wanted to go over my symtoms from the last chemo and blood work to determine this chemo…

^ whats that?!?! Backkkk to my old chemo!!! Sure this does NOT sound exciting… Folfirinox is less harsh as my original chemo drugs which is has much more toxicity and harder on my body and my bone marrow, kidneys and liver. The fact that my platelets went up and and she believes my body is strong enough and can handle it, I feel awesome. It’s great news to be told you can do a hardcore regimen because I’m a hardcore girl… haha! 😉   I’m tough and I say bring it!

In life you need to be tough.  You should learn how to fend for yourself and make good decisions.  This is critical for a good life!  Many times you truly don’t know your strength until your strength has been tested and I’ve heard this numerous times as it relates to my situation.  I’ve always felt I am so strong and I have done so much without any help which has made me the kind of person I am and this year has really tested that and pushed me harder.

I’m getting too sleepy here at chemo… blog later!! xoxo