Just another hospital day…

Me getting chemo on Monday

^ There is me on Monday during chemo… don’t I look thrilled…

Today started bright and early in the hospital.  Ugh! When you just received a 12hr treatment on Monday then you are ick Tuesday the last thing you want is to go to the hospital at 7:30am Wednesday.  Sadly this is my norm and I have to do it.  I get my visit done, told how well I’m doing considering I just had a hard 100% treatment (like every chemo Monday for the past 14 months) and how I’m doing awesome.  Thanks.  I do appreciate it but sometimes you feel like ‘ugh thanks but shoot me now or put me back in my bed, its too early to deal with this with these crap toxins still in me’.

Just another chemo week.  I must say I am doing better.  I guess my “ill feeling” weeks could have been related to my colon hole leak.  The doctors think that it didn’t just happen overnight or anything like that so if you follow me when I thought I was picking up some type of cold-like symptoms it was the bacteria from the colon.  Now that I am patched up and continuing my antibiotics which should clear up the infection, I am doing better.  I am simply fighting the toxic poison in me and being strong.

It’s another week of fasting.  Last week the fasting was NOT by choice and this week it isn’t either but it’s a different feeling.  I always feel just like nothing taste good all week.  I generally lose a quick 10lbs, I drink as much as I can but I can’t eat.  Generally by the weekend my taste buds are back and I start back eating again.  Some people complain about “metallic tasting” by eating with silverware and for me it doesn’t matter if it’s finger food, food just doesn’t sound or look good after chemo. Period! It’s hard enough to just drink let alone eat.  It’s the same thing every chemo week, every month, nothing new.

I didn’t even feel nauseas this week or anything.  I’ve rebound real well!   Actually by the weekend when I’m eating again I’ll be in heaven 🙂  Ok, gotta relax!

xoxo ~Ashley

ChemO nO no…Monday (Videos)

Ok fine, it’s chemo Monday.  Even got up on time sucked it up and went.  Actually!! Prior to going to chemo, I did this….

Then had chemo.  Of coarse my Dr. wanted to see me prior to the drugs after labs were drawn and just chatted about how I was doing from surgery.  Yes I got the craziest looks from the seminar thing the other day to chemo about ‘you just had surgery and you are doing so well?!!?’   Yeah 😉  I’m Ashley.

I met up with my friend Michael and talked for a while but after that I went back to chemo and they gave me Benadryl as a pre-med as usual but I was fighting it for a bit then the stuff knocked my butt out until 7pm.  haha!  I woke up like woah?!  It went from busy in the chemo unit to where did everyone go?!   Mine are so long but I was tired so there ya go.

I came home and was out… thats why this Monday post is a tad late.

xoxo ~Ashley

I’m homeward bound!!! (Video blog)

I went from fasting for about 5 days to BOOM “you can eat”!!! Clear liquids was AMAZING and quick without slowly going into food.  Yahooo!!!!  Good behavior gets ya early release! hahaha 🙂  Being strong, feeling good, taking your meds and not being lazy in your room got me a ticket out.  Here’s to the weekend!!!  Back to the hospital Monday… 😦

Have a good weekend my friends!

PS:  As for the confusion from people that e-mailed me and are new to my blog.  I have stage 4 pancreatic cancer – it’s spread all over my abdomen to multiple organs so I am inoperable/incurable.  The goal is the chemo will shrink the cancer to a localized organ (pancreas) and I will be operable.  The procedure therefore was NOT the whipple it was for a hole in my fistula in my colon that was leaking the colon bacteria into my abdomen causing infection.  I had the surgery through my colon to patch the hole.  Hope that clears it all up!

xoxo ~Ashley

I MADE IT… I’m alive!!!!!

Me before surgery and before my gown….

Tim and I right before surgery (yes they snuck him in because they loved me! 😉 )

Me today post surgery! Kickin’ butt!! 😉

I made it out of surgery!!! The report even said “my colon prep was EXCELLENT!”   I got an A++ in colon cleanse!!   Yeah buddy, I took a whole gallon and made my pipes squeaky clean!! haha! It’s kinda like wanting an A+ in school, I like to be an over achiever in kicking @$$!!   That’s me!  I made it out.  I finally woke up from the anesthesia and went to my room to rest for the evening.

I woke up today wondering if I could be EAT or DRINK again in my lifetime and I hear NO – wrong answer.  The med doc even advised possibly being on TPN for 2 weeks.  I have been on TPN I KNOW what this entails and this is the LAST thing I want, I want food!!

I just spoke with my GI doc and ME being ME I said to them:

“Ok, I am going to get the entire GI team and lock them in my room and they are not going to eat OR drink for the next 6 days then after that they are going to go on TPN for 2 weeks….yes that will be 20 days without eating or drinking by mouth. Ok?”

I  am not sure if they thought I was joking.  I’m not.  When I was told 48 hours because the stent needs to embed into the colon and everything and food would disrupt all of that then ok.  I haven’t had anything in 4 days so I can do another. My sweet husband brought me gum to chew or they also brought me ICE CHIPS! Yay!!!!   Gosh, I haven’t been this lucky since over a year ago when I couldn’t eat for months and had a j-tube and I could swab my mouth with food-like water to taste.  What a tease!! I am not a big eater I know, BUT I want something more when I am told I can’t have it so when I am told I can’t beat Stage 4 pancreatic cancer obviously my thought is to show them up! 😉

I am glad my surgery went well. Everyone is always shocked how young I am and have what I have and I get told  “You look like the picture of health looking at you”  ALL the time!!! And people are shocked it’s just Tim and I and no (my) family but I tell them I have all you! I have an amazing support team even if they aren’t people I see in person and aren’t family, they still are amazing and help me. 🙂

I did have a couple friends come and visit me the other day and although I could barely keep my eyes open, I was very happy to see their beautiful faces! 🙂  Actually again today as well!  I also walk around the hospital and see all of my awesome friends I have everywhere here.  It does help to know everyone everywhere you go… I am not going to lie, special treatment doesn’t hurt! 😉

I just DENIED TPN to the nurse soooooo let’s hope no one freaks out, I didn’t do it in a mean way or anything I just said how it causes inflammation, it’s no help and doesn’t trick my body into thinking its full and doesn’t provide any good nutrition so I’d rather fast a little longer.

I ran into my surgeon today who is the most amazing surgeon ever and I love him.  Of coarse he already knew everything and asked about surgery and knew every single thing I’ve been through since I’ve seen him last because he’s amazing like that and genius and advised (well whispered to me and if anyone reading this from my hospital I won’t reveal his name!  haha)    that a sip of water would be absorbed before hitting my colon anyways.  I was asking, really?? does it really hurt if I have a sip of water??

Anyways….. my rear is going to chillax.  I have more friends coming to see me in a bit.  See ya later my amazing support team!  If you are fighting cancer or any hard situation- keep on fighting!!! We can all kick a$$!!

xoxo ~Ashley

Video catch-up before I go UNDER….

Ok, here is a catch up….  I am posting this now because I am about to go under and hopefully when I wake up, I will be fixed and good to go.  HOPEFULLY be able to eat tonight since it’s been a couple days since I’ve eaten and I haven’t drank since last night.  Can’t wait for food!

Happy thoughts that I wake up fixed and no rare crazy thing happens!

xoxo ~Ashley

(Mondays Blog) Blood transfusions/ Prepping colon for surgery

Well as I left off yesterday I was almost home.  MADE IT HOME! It was a short and sweet visit.  Literally run in, see the place still stands and let the boys in and tell them a little white lie that mommy will be right back and scurried to the hospital ER.  I am back on the floor that I had spent over a month in over a year ago and yeah… nice to deal with the familiar faces that all know me.

I informed the nurses, admittance people and docs that if they thought I was going to be up all night getting prepped then they can think again because I should be home sleeping and starting this whole thing in the AM.  They agreed but did they follow?  No.  They bothered me all night long non-stop and hooking me up to antibiotics, taking my blood work through my arm instead of mediport, taking x-rays, talking to me about what to come, vitals etc.   No eating or drinking which the eating was fine because I haven’t had a huge appetite lately but the drinking… I was just dieing for some water!!!  I had a fever, was shaking from being so cold although under warm blankets and needing water like I’ve never needed before.

This morning of coarse I am bombarded with teams of doctors.  I get antibiotics all day as well as magnesium, potassium and whatever else is in all the bags I’ve had.  I’ve also had to receive a blood transfusion of a few units of blood.  My white blood count is great, it’s my red thats a little low as well as my hemoglobin. My PLATELETS are AMAZING!!!!!!  My doctor thinks possibly that the tumor located  between my spleen and colon around the fistula area was very large prior and thats when I had all the spleen issues since August or technically prior has taken to the chemo and has shrunk dramatically which is why my spleen isn’t sucking up all my platelets and they are actually rebounding. OR possibly my spleen is functioning like it is partially dead, who knows.  We will find out in scans to come after a couple more rounds of the same chemotherapy.

I didn’t know but was informed that my specific chemo is one that most can only handle 1 or 2 treatments or if someone could handle it then only 6 months at most until their blood isn’t rebounding, it’s not working or they’ve developed the side effects such as neuropathy. I was thrilled to know this since I’ve had it 13 months.

Anyways, like I said today was just receiving bags of antibiotics and blood transfusions all day, the antibiotics to clear up the infection that is causing me the fevers.  I have had one since I’ve been in here that has been around 102.4

I will be getting surgery first thing in the morning.  What am I doing right now in the middle of the night since they won’t let me sleep AGAIN?  Oh…drinking Go Lytely! Anyone ever have a colonoscopy? This stuff is YUMMY!!!!!!  No, not really.  It’s gross and I should be in the bathroom soon, I’ve been drinking for 4 1/2 hours now.

Time to go walk around and drink…. the procedure tomorrow should be nothing compared to everything else I’ve been though.  I am not really anxious.  I will be under so as long as all goes well and I wake up with no pain and fixed, then I will be thrilled! 🙂

xoxo ~Ashley

Pancreatic cancer/ colon/ Michigan/ surgery UPDATE

Happy St. Patricks Day everyone!!

Friday:

Oh my dear Friday. Ok, well I get up early and head to my “study”.   I did the whole enema solution FUN STUFF Thursday night and I get to the hospital early am Friday and see my doctors orders and it says “CT scan w/ contrast”  I’m thinking…. damn, thats an easy study.  This will be my 3rd CT scan in the last 2 weeks.  I find out that NO, it’s a “colon study w/ contrast” THEN another CT scan.  Ok, what the hello does that mean?!  Oh, I find out.  It means I get in a hospital gown and a male doctor sticks a long catheter into my rear-end where he proceeds to fill up my colon with contrast.  Can you say AWKWARD?!  I don’t know any young girls getting colonoscopies so NO, this is nothing I am familiar with or had convos about nor expected to go through this.  The doctor was doing this study to see if the contrast would leak into my abdomen at the top where the air sac is.  He said it does not appear to be leaking at all, so I was happy, though he wanted to take a few more images and check them on the big screen in the back with another doctor. I couldn’t believe this “$hit” I was going through!

This whole situation was very uncomfortable, I mean major cramps because thats what happens when your colon is full apparently.  Yes of coarse I was wide awake, no type of medications were given to me whatsoever so that made my experience even better.  Yay.  The images were checked on the “big screen” and viola there was contrast leakage.  The sac that is between my spleen and colon has a small hole in it where it is leaking the bacteria that my colon takes into my abdomen.  My doctor was amazed that I am not any worse than a fever and side pain because they said this makes people very sick.. Yes and I’m Ashley…always throwing a curve ball.

So what now?

Patch that hole!   Oh you know how my husband described to people in the hospital that asked what happened?  That they pressurized my pipes and found the hole, like plumbing in a house  hahaha

I had to wait at the hospital for the phone call from my Dr. who advised this is serious and I will be admitted Sunday for surgery Monday.  I didn’t tell her about the wedding in Michigan.  My husband did and she said “NO, NO MICHIGAN and if she gets another fever you have to rush her to the ER immediately” ….then we headed home.  I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to hear the wrong answer.

Got home at 5pm…my husband decides at 8pm that we will take off to Michigan. Ok?  We are out the door by 9pm and away we go.  Looks like we will be asking for forgiveness since we didn’t get permission.  drove all night long and arrived at 9:30 am.. good timing!  We had a vet appt at 10am that was made prior so we went there so our home vet could check out Toby again and see how they thought he was doing and the boys got their shots updated.

We got to the wedding. It was a BIG surprise to everyone because they knew about what happened and my situation so the fact we drove all night anyways just for them they couldn’t believe… haha!  We love you!!  If you didn’t know, you do now.   This is Tims cousin whom I’ve know over 11 years since she was a young girl. I was always closer with her younger sisters probably because they were little girls like 6 and 8 or so and would come running up to me when I’d come over before they’d say hi to tim, it was so cute!  Ang is funny though!! Love her!   We were told this would be super redneck.  It wasn’t as redneck as I was expecting, yes there were camo and cowboy hats and tree stump things on the table. No one popped a top during the ceremony or shot guns salute.  There was a coon skin on the table though and someone wore a ball cap at the ceremony.  No one could drink until 7pm many people were upset about or dance because I guess it against the Amish religion we were told. It was interesting because no one knew the groom, they only met a year ago but she seemed happy and thats all I cared about!  If she is happy then we are happy for her! 🙂   I just want people happy!! Life is too short to be anything else.   I liked seeing everyone on my husbands side of the family, great catching up with good people!   My husband was trying to liven it up and get people up and dancing and so he started the train, haha!  He also did the dollar dance as a group with me and the bride and groom which I thought the groom was going to be like “what the hell is wrong with this guy?!”  hahaha thats Tim!!  Welcome to our family 😉  haha!  The drinks were hitting Tim and with no sleep he was getting tired.  After the reception when we got back to my friends, he was glued to the toilet for a bit.  Beer + Shots = No no for Tim.

Ah, so nice to get a little sleep but I woke up at 6:30 and said we gotta GO!  We were out by 7 and as Tim went out to start up my SUV to warm it up in snowy Michigan, he comes in “You aren’t going to believe this!!”  Ok… I am thinking that someone broke into my car?  It was unlocked and someone stole something?  He spilled something?  What?!   “I LOCKED the keys in with it running!”   How do you do that?!?! The locks don’t lock with it running.  If you hit the lock button it will automatically unlocks.  The genius even took his keys out of my purse and put it in the counsel… awww aren’t you smart because I NEED TO GO BACK TO DC!!!!!!   I’ve been meaning to reprogram my keyless entry, the keypad on my door so this would never be a problem… guess I will now!!

3 hours were spent with Tim using wire hangers to finally get the keys in the counsel and bring them to the pry’d window and broke the key off the ring to get it out the pry’d door opening. I opened it up with the key.  I sat in the seat and hit the lock button and it would unlock so the only thing Tim could think of was that he opened it up with the key and relocked it accidentally to take the key out (so manually locking it) and started the car and shut the door… there ya go.  My phone is dead because the chargers were in my car so I have no idea if my hospital called.

We are on the road and there are 3 voicemails from my hospital all around 9 am advising me my bed is ready and I need to come in.  GREAT! I am in Michigan and due to arrive a 10:30pm.  I called and said I am having car trouble and said I’d call back with an ETA.  I call  back at 2 pm SO SCARED to tell them what time, but I did it! They said to be there by 10pm and they will inform my nurses who will inform my doctor. I mean, what are they going to do with me tonight?!  I will not be sitting on the toilet all night so they can think again and prep me tomorrow and delay surgery until Tuesday.

We will find out I guess. Surgery will entail them going through my colon to the sac to probably seal it with a stent. No these questions weren’t asked.  I was too traumatized Friday… hahaha 😉  With that said, the prep that was supposed to happen all day today was like a colonoscopy prep……. AWESOME!  This is why I don’t know why they still want to admit me tonight instead of tomorrow morning other than they want me locked in the hospital and nor “running at large” like someone suggested.   I will NOT be up all night doing this prep.  They can delay the surgery because I am always on time and waiting on them for one reason or another so they can work around me and my life. haha! 🙂

Well time to get off here.  We are in Maryland now!!! GPA ETA says 10:13 which means unload stuff, pack my bag and get there late. CRAP!  Trying to make up time on the highway between now and then. Maybe I should drive… haha well he’s done a good job thus far.

I will update in the morning if I do get surgery or let you know when! Eeks!  I will send my own prayers that it all goes well like they have in the past year + months I’ve been doing this.  If I do get this tomorrow then I need to heal quick because i am scheduled for a PET scan and chemo on Wednesday.  I have an appt Friday too… wait, I might as well keep my room until Friday night… haha!

xoxo ~Ashley