Staying home means never sitting down

^Us flying home from Florida a couple weeks ago

Goodness gracious another night I had to take sleeping pills to get to sleep and my body alarm woke me at 6:55.  What the heck?!  I know it’s my “to do” list. The month of April for me is basically shot and I mean in a good way.  It’s great I’ll be crazy busy and gone… I’ll miss my bed but I have all these to-do goals that need to be done prior. It’s funny today my husband and I were going over business stuff in the morning before he left and timelines and I said how he had so much time when in fact he had more, I had my days in my head.  I plan the sick days.  Chemo has been going over a year now and it’s like clockwork with when I get it and what days I will feel ill, actually anyone that follows me daily probably knows the routine as well or at least when I say I get chemo on Monday they know what the posts will be like that week. haha! I really really do like it though.  I mean chemotherapy is pain in the ass in every way possible and sucks but hell if it saves my life like it has (I’d love to do the au natural but sadly I’d been dead if I went that total route) I’m happy to at least have some sort of routine.  Mind you, I could have a reaction at any chemo but god forbid that doesn’t happen, the planning is good! I know I’m called “Type A” all the time and whatever, the schedule works for me!

I did accomplish a lot today and I am very proud of that!!  Work got done in the AM then it was house work day.  A rainy icky day so what better thing?  I mean I hate being in when it’s beautiful out so that was just the cherry on top for me.  House work was harder than work work. My list read “Clean living room, clean dining room, clean kitchen, clean guest bathroom, do all laundry, mop floors, clean out fridge, clean cupboards etc”  haha!  Basically all first floor needed to be cleaned! 🙂  The upstairs will be another story in sections. I still need to send e-mails, make phone calls as promised, order a new case for the new iPod or just an armband and write thank you notes and send packages out to send special people. Oh, did I mention the day started after my 4-mile walk with the dogs?  haha!  All sorts of exercising today… I’m whipped.  I am currently cooking some chicken curry now… yum! 🙂  All ready by 7pm.  Easy day. 🙂

xoxo ~Ashley

Double Whammy!

First off – thank you all SO so so so so much for all the uplifting comments left on here and FB and e-mail!!!  I appreciate it so much and do believe the prayers really helped me in every way!!! I wouldn’t know where to start to thank everyone individually but please know I am truly thankful and they all really lifted my spirits when I was so unbearably ill.

Tuesday I was icky sick between chemo and sneezing. I ended the night with some good NyQuil.

Wednesday – I was another person.  (NO this was not a “bad chemo week”  it was a sick (coughing/hacking) people don’t belong in infusion when I’m getting chemo week)  Tim dragged me out of bed because I had a 7am hospital appointment for a shot.  I walk in expecting to get 1 shot and I leave getting 2.  nice huh?  I was supposed to get my Neulasta shot and ended up getting that plus a flu shot in which my Dr. said I should probably get although my immune has held up this long without one.

I could barely stay awake at the hospital and couldn’t wait to get home.  I got home and was out.  I was SO terrible!  A complete mess!  I felt like a dieing animal that needed to be shot to be put out of his misery.  No joke.  I picked up some nasty bug on Monday during chemo so not only was I fighting the chemo but whatever I picked up which we think was from the older guy near me that was hacking away the entire day on monday.  Yuck.  I do not believe sick people should ever enter chemo!  Sure he made have needed his chemo too but there are private rooms with solid doors and he could have taken one of those and sequestered himself in there.  Not nice.  I took daytime medicine and just continued to sleep throughout the day.

I weighed in 7 1/2lbs less that I did on Monday and although I had a lot of fluid last night I still dropped another pound today.  All normal but then I try to slowly eat again to gain it back.  I drink a lot but it does still always seem easier to lose than to gain, strange.

Today though I woke up at 5:55am feeling 50% better!  I couldn’t jump out of bed and go for a run, but I could open my eyes and breathe through my nose so thats progress! 🙂   I did what I do every time I am super bad for a day or 2 and am back alive… I washed all my sheets, pajamas and showered.  Nothing worse than seeing nasty make-up on my pillow case. Gross!  My left arm from the neulasta shot feels fine but my right arm from the flu shot is tender to the touch.  Hmm…

Well I am hoping for a fabulous Friday for everyone!! 🙂

xoxo ~Ashley

Tired but alive…

This morning I woke up and the first thing I saw was the hospital band on my left arm from Monday. Ugh!  Gross.  I woke up only to my dogs.  I guess my husband snuck off to work, he said he didn’t sneak but I was wiped out and didn’t hear a thing. I know I always dread chemo Mondays but it truly is the day or days after that are generally the worse.  I can normally muster up the morning of chemo and feel good going into it with some kind of ‘kick butt’ attitude and ‘yeah bring on the day’ …of sitting in a chair for 12 hours.  Ha!  Yes, psych myself out and then the day goes on…and on.  I call it an early night because, well I spent all day in hell and I get home at night and the poison is hitting me and I’m done.

Tuesday rolls in and I generally don’t have a recelcation of Tuesday.  I am so drowsy and exhausted.  I can’t eat and it’s all I can do to drink water and flush my body. It’s so hard.  You do have those thoughts of “is this really worth it?”  “how long can I continue this?”  the doubt kicks in when you are feeling so miserable.  I am a tough cookie but it happens.  When I woke up my stomach was grumbling and I felt so hungry but as always, I was scared to eat.  I generally can’t hold food down until Friday.  Actually I am never even hungry Tues or Wed. and start to feel it on Thursday.  I’ve had some girlfriends who thought that would be nice to have this appetite suppressant but it’s not nice.  I feed my body for fuel and when I can’t give it fuel I feel even more drained and exhausted.  Tim used to even try to give me sweets and anything sweet is the very last thing I want when I am this sick.  I do not have much of a sweet tooth to begin with so keeping that away is no problem whatsoever in my life.  I simply feel weak.  I feel beat down. It’s a horrible feeling.

I just got home from the hospital. I had to get my neulasta shot again although my white blood count was pretty high this time. I still haven’t felt the effects from it that I have heard so much about.  I’ve had it a few times and have yet to feel that “achy bone” or “hurt” feeling.  I don’t know… I take things differently thats for sure!  Well, it’s time I have to call it a night!  I got around today and got things done and thats a lot from 36hrs after a 12hr chemo!  I’m done. 🙂  Amen for American Idol and one big beautiful bed!

xoxo ~Ashley

PS!  To all that have commented or email (many emails!) – I will try to get back to you tomorrow!! please forgive me 🙂 xoxo

You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind

The mind is very powerful.  I am a huge believer on being positive in any circumstance. I have had this attitude my whole life  I really haven’t changed at all since my diagnosis.  I have the same outlook on life as I always have and I live my life the same way as I always have.  This is a pertinent quality for any situation in life that may arise. Every day you have the choice on what you will make of it and if you start out with a positive foot you can only try to have the best day.

I could probably write a novel about this subject but I am very tired tonight!  I have to talk a a school tomorrow so I might as well call it a night and relax a little!   Oh – I should have mentioned that picture yesterday was at the Zoo here in DC, not Detroit.  I know I had a Detroit shirt on but it’s the Washington, DC Zoo! 🙂   Sorry about the confusion…

xoxo ~Ashley