Happy April Fools!! :o)

Jessi and myself 🙂

 

mom-in-law and muah 🙂

US… that guy and me… 😉

^This lovely couple would be US, myself and my husband (Umm… Love the purple?!) at the wedding in Michigan a couple weeks ago!

Before I begin, let me THANK YOU to all the very kind e-mails I received from yesterdays post.  I didn’t think a little posting that was very raw and honest could generate such discussion and especially from my friends whom were so happy that I finally said something because they get after me about “keeping it all in”.  What I wrote was pretty simple and barely scratching the surface.  I could really tell ya more and you would be even more shocked and amazed but let’s just save that for the book or the memoir alright 😉  It will get published, no worries!

Whooooo….What a strange day huh?  I mean, I received a lot of “Happy Birthdays” on my personal Facebook page that I didn’t know what was going on?  I coulda sworn I just celebrated a birthday (2nd year in a row in hospital) in the hospital getting chemotherapy in February.  Maybe it’s chemo brain?

Happy April Fools!! 😉

Laughter is the best medicine right?!  WAY better than that nasty chemo!  Of coarse me being me, I felt bad and wanted to say “April Fools” right away and thank goodness only 65-70 silly people wished me a happy birthday, on my birthday I had over 150+ people wishes so at least some people remembered!  haha!

My birthday is in February and my sign is an Aquarius.  That’s all I know.  I don’t know what someone is in October or August.  I do know April is Aries because thats what Tim is. So this is what my sign says about me:

One of the standout characteristics of those born under the Sun Sign of Aquarius is their unwillingness to follow the beaten track. With advancement and progress on their minds, there can be an irreverence to old and outdated ways of thinking and doing things. 

Many Aquarians aim to free themselves of personal and social conditioning. Although open to change in theory, Aquarians can be surprisingly stubborn. Their idealism runs strong, but they can be very fixed in their opinions. 

Often a bit aloof and even standoffish, Aquarians nonetheless are usually well-liked. They are curious and observant, and tolerant in a broad sense. Prejudice and bias is offensive to the typical Aquarius. 

Aquarians are generally very clever, witty, and intellectual. They value progress and frankness. It’s difficult to throw Aquarians for a loop—they’re generally on top of things.

There is a bit of reformer in Aquarius. They’ll try to get you to see through superficiality, and encourage you to be open and forthright. “Be true to yourself” and “Don’t follow the crowd” are mottos we easily associate with this sign.

Aquarians need space and value personal freedom. Any attempt to box them in will likely fail. They’ll happily return the favor; and they will treat people from all walks of life as equals. Equality and fairness are hallmarks of the sign. If you’re quirky and “different”, all the better.

So from what I gather, they are pretty right on.  I am one to go off the beaten path.  Some would say I can be witty, clever, intellectual… I like that. I can be stubborn which is why I’m doing a damn good job in this cancer fight.  “Quirky and different, all the better”?  I like that!  I LOVE the “hard to throw Aquarians for a loop–they’re generally on top of things”.  So true!  Try me, I got it.  Lastly the quote on “be yourself” and “don’t follow the crowd”.. so me! I like people who are honest, themselves, REAL and this is what I try and try to tell the people I mentioned yesterday.  Why try to be something you are not?  Why kid yourself and those around you?  I know I am quirky and dorky and laugh at myself… a LOT.  It’s true.  I’m human and I make mistakes and learn but I can say I am always honest and true to myself. I’ve never taken a single penny I didn’t earn and sure as heck didn’t travel the entire country on anyones dime but mine.  I’ve worked hard and proud of every achievement.  My next biggest achievement will be beating the demon also known as pancreatic cancer.

This day included a wonderful chat with my little sister in which was clear to why she wasn’t here with me right now on her spring break. Sometimes a good talk with a family member, friend, coworker, priest, therapist? whatever you choose, can make for a good day.  To get things off your chest which we know is not a good place to be.

Now it’s the evening and holy moly it was all I could do just to cook dinner tonight, I am SO tired!  Recall all that energy I had last night?  Well that burst lasted until 3:30am in which my antibiotics kicked in which makes me drowsy and I slept a whopping 3 HOURS last night!  Yes, I was up at 6:30, TIRED but my boys wanted to go for their morning walk so me not being lazy got up and off we went.

My husband asked me when he was leaving for work..
“What are you doing today?”
“I have work and then I have to clean”
“Man it seems all you do is work and clean!”    …You think?!  You and my doggy boys are just messy and to keep up with my OCD I gotta clean and then if I don’t work, you won’t get paid and we will have no monies and goodness thats just no good.

My back is killing me right now from all the work I did and I’m tired, so goodnight my friends!  I have to do some business work then head to that bed.

xoxo ~Ashley

Just another hospital day…

Me getting chemo on Monday

^ There is me on Monday during chemo… don’t I look thrilled…

Today started bright and early in the hospital.  Ugh! When you just received a 12hr treatment on Monday then you are ick Tuesday the last thing you want is to go to the hospital at 7:30am Wednesday.  Sadly this is my norm and I have to do it.  I get my visit done, told how well I’m doing considering I just had a hard 100% treatment (like every chemo Monday for the past 14 months) and how I’m doing awesome.  Thanks.  I do appreciate it but sometimes you feel like ‘ugh thanks but shoot me now or put me back in my bed, its too early to deal with this with these crap toxins still in me’.

Just another chemo week.  I must say I am doing better.  I guess my “ill feeling” weeks could have been related to my colon hole leak.  The doctors think that it didn’t just happen overnight or anything like that so if you follow me when I thought I was picking up some type of cold-like symptoms it was the bacteria from the colon.  Now that I am patched up and continuing my antibiotics which should clear up the infection, I am doing better.  I am simply fighting the toxic poison in me and being strong.

It’s another week of fasting.  Last week the fasting was NOT by choice and this week it isn’t either but it’s a different feeling.  I always feel just like nothing taste good all week.  I generally lose a quick 10lbs, I drink as much as I can but I can’t eat.  Generally by the weekend my taste buds are back and I start back eating again.  Some people complain about “metallic tasting” by eating with silverware and for me it doesn’t matter if it’s finger food, food just doesn’t sound or look good after chemo. Period! It’s hard enough to just drink let alone eat.  It’s the same thing every chemo week, every month, nothing new.

I didn’t even feel nauseas this week or anything.  I’ve rebound real well!   Actually by the weekend when I’m eating again I’ll be in heaven 🙂  Ok, gotta relax!

xoxo ~Ashley

ChemO nO no…Monday (Videos)

Ok fine, it’s chemo Monday.  Even got up on time sucked it up and went.  Actually!! Prior to going to chemo, I did this….

Then had chemo.  Of coarse my Dr. wanted to see me prior to the drugs after labs were drawn and just chatted about how I was doing from surgery.  Yes I got the craziest looks from the seminar thing the other day to chemo about ‘you just had surgery and you are doing so well?!!?’   Yeah 😉  I’m Ashley.

I met up with my friend Michael and talked for a while but after that I went back to chemo and they gave me Benadryl as a pre-med as usual but I was fighting it for a bit then the stuff knocked my butt out until 7pm.  haha!  I woke up like woah?!  It went from busy in the chemo unit to where did everyone go?!   Mine are so long but I was tired so there ya go.

I came home and was out… thats why this Monday post is a tad late.

xoxo ~Ashley

Video catch-up before I go UNDER….

Ok, here is a catch up….  I am posting this now because I am about to go under and hopefully when I wake up, I will be fixed and good to go.  HOPEFULLY be able to eat tonight since it’s been a couple days since I’ve eaten and I haven’t drank since last night.  Can’t wait for food!

Happy thoughts that I wake up fixed and no rare crazy thing happens!

xoxo ~Ashley

PanCan has become a real pain in my a$$ – literally!!

I woke up in pain today.  Damn spleen pain.  Why why why why why???? I wanted to know.  I thought I took it easy yesterday.  I found out that the laundry and light cleaning I did was “too much”.  I am not suppose to BEND AT ALL.  Ugh!  No bending, no cleaning, no twist, turn, exercising.  Dangit!!!   Thankfully after some ibuprofen, heat and 20mg of oxcydone, I had some relief.

I let 4 hours pass so the oxy would leave my system so I could drive.  I felt good now and it’s 11am and I headed out because I needed to go down to Fredericksburg, VA. The traffic was good at this hour getting out of the city (DC) but once I started down 95SB it was like rush hour.  The Washington, DC area has the worst traffic in the country.  I am not saying this because I know it sucks but I even watched it on the news not long ago, yes DC has the worst traffic out of anywhere.  It’s a nightmare.  This is why I moved from Virginia up because I hated driving in it to work as did my husband.  I couldn’t believe it was a dead stop at NOON on 95 but it’s because of all the road construction that it took me hours to get down there.  I could have been in New York, NY in this time.  Ridiculous.

I was so sleepy.  I thought the medication would have wore off as it should have but it didn’t drowsiness wise meaning I had the hardest time keeping my eyes open.  Of coarse Tim called and I told him this and got to hear about “oh great now you are going to fall asleep at the wheel and kill yourself”  Oh geez… No.  I am stronger than that.  I can make myself snap out of it.  I had to mess with my mind and add some music and fresh air.  I only went to one store that was planned – yay me. Did great there! I got my mail that goes to VA and new plates and tags.  Woohoo! Headed home through Maryland because I was NOT doing that VA nonsense again.

I am just about to pull onto my street and my doctor is calling me.  Oh great.  I was hoping for no call because I thought “No news was good news” so I wasn’t happy to hear from her. She (my oncologist) had gone over Mondays scans with my surgeon and a Radiology Dr. and found there is an air sac in my spleen near my colon.  They found this to be serious and ordered a study to be done in Radiology tomorrow morning.  I have to take enema solutions tonight… gross.

When I got home the pain was starting again and this time I still had the doctor on the phone so I had told her about it and she said this is why this could be very serious.  The pain and fevers especially.  Ugh great!  I’ve learned from my 1/2 year late diagnosis that I can handle pain better than anyone so my spleen better not rupture again because that was the WORST PAIN ever!! I was paralyzed and went blind from my body going into shock from the pain so yes, that insanely bad.  So these spleen pains are a touch of that rupture pain because they are paralyzing feeling, I can’t move and I hold my heart while holding my breathe so I remain cool and calm.  The oxys took 2 hours to kick in.

Time for me to detox/shower/relax.

xoxo ~Ashley

Holy shooting spleen blamed pain

Gosh I can’t write tonight.  I don’t know if it’s because I’ve finally ate my first meal in a while (I haven’t been hungry much lately) or what?  I have the worst crazy pain from my neck/shoulder shooting down my left side.  I have had this lately every now and then and this is consistent with my spleen problems..which is the cause we do know.  It’s insane and paralyzing feeling though.  I am hoping these pain meds kick in fast!

Other than that I accomplished a lot today! I feel great about that!!  No, I didn’t stay in bed and I did do things, but I was gentle on myself… or gentle enough 🙂  No worries.

I need to relax now. 🙂

xoxo ~Ashley

Time to get the weekend started… very slowly…

^ This is a random pic of us from last summer in Yosemite National Park in good ol California

Oh thank goodness for my dog gate I pulled out from the basement!!! 🙂   I never have needed it but tonight I am in heaven because of it.  I am cooking a new recipe, looking at my computer… ok and now blogging and generally like tonight my husband has just gotten home and wants to talk and my dogs are happy daddy is home, mommy is cooking and they home I drop something and they are all sorts of in the way.  Not tonight!! They are looking sad from the other side of the gate but I’m smiling!! 😉   Our kitchen isn’t big enough for 2 little 4-legged shadows walking right behind me and I am always tripping over them. I open the fridge and they are backing up into each other… ugh, nightmare.  Problem SOLVED!

Since Monday I’ve had a weird week.  I mean the contrast made me gross that day then Tuesday I was tired because of my Oxycodones as with last night.  No I am not ever tired in the day or would I be as long as I get sleep and don’t take my Oxys.  I’ve had a lot of pain this week from my spleen. This is always a concern when I have pain!! I get nervous and since I’ve had spleen issues that hospitalized me if you recall that blog. Ugh! I’ve had major back pain but had realized I had lifted pretty heavy boxes because I forgot I can’t do that stuff anymore.  Ahh!  I really do forget things like that and the pain is always a reminder.  I forget my back isn’t strong as it used to be so I am not sure if it also inflamed my spleen causing the pain or what.  This was even a ‘tender to the touch’ pain. I had up’d my dose of pain med to 20mg.  I know some people are against narcotics but I tried the homeopathic ways first and I hurt bad so I wasn’t going to put up with pain when my Oxy does the trick.  This has caused my drowsiness though with the higher mg. It takes away my pain though! 🙂  Or at least today it finally did.  I woke up in a lot of pain and took my pain meds and it finally worked, I felt good today!! 🙂

I reeeeally need this weekend to go very very slow.  I have a lot of things to get done, places to be, people to see etc.  all done before chemo Monday and I have another busy 2 weeks.

PS anyone notice anything in my March 1st blog?…… you won’t see it if your looking at your e-mail, only the site on inet… haha….

xoxo ~Ashley

FrankenStorm turned SuperStorm…so has this cancer!

Utility trucks are coming in!

<– I took that picture yesterday when we were driving down to Fredericksburg, VA for the day and I-95NB was just full of utility trucks preparing for the storm.  For anyone in another state or another country completely unaware… we are getting a major hurricane here!! This is the largest storm ever on the northeast path! Goodness.  My stomach is feeling like a hurricane as well. My stomach has just gone crazy and I have not ate anything solid in a couple days.  It hurts so extremely bad and it brings me back to the beginning with the digestion problem and extreme bloating.  We went out early this morning to get all my organic fruits & veggies so I can live this week if we lose power and have no stores.  We spent a good $250 on just a few days worth of fruits & veggies – not a cheap protocol along with everything else I do – but hopefully it’ll help.  I need to be extremely strict with everything I put in me.  Right now it’s been nothing but water.

I’ve had many ask if I’m following a regimen or have gotten juicing from anyone, my answer is No.  I have made my own protocol and the juicing I thought of myself and am on my own ‘Ashley regimen’.   This has worked phenomenally for me (if it cures me, I’ll write the book 😉  )   but I haven’t been 120% perfect with my regimen and feel terrible about that.  I have to be perfect now especially that I am in such pain because I need to give my pancreas a break moreso and help with detox and enzymes.  It is hard when you travel and need a fresh juice, this is the part I need to work on.  Making my drinks and drinking them later are not an option.

I didn’t feel this bad the other day so I am hoping and praying this will pass.  I know I need chemo and just have been trying every natural way of boosting my bone marrow.  I will meet with my hematologist soon to get my bone marrow biopsy.  A platelet transfusion is not an option at the point I am at.  Platelets only have a 1/2 life and by the time they are taken, processed and given the life of the platelets only last a few days so if you hit those platelets with chemo your body can’t handle then you will be waiting even longer for chemo.

I hope everyone has prepared for this storm if you live on the east coast here.  I have to lay down with my water and…oxy.. 😦   Boo. I hate pain killers but I need something to take the edge off, this is just has bad as I was in January.

Cancer sucks