Sick duck

Me last summer at Joshua Tree

Tim wouldn’t let me hike up there for fear I’d “get hurt” and could die before a paramedic arrived in the park where I don’t think we even had cell service

^I am posting these pictures from last summer (YES  as my old blonde self!) because they were taken at the Joshua Tree National Park and we were watching the Bachelor the other day and saw they were there and both said “hey! we’ve been there!”  haha 🙂   Been there done that…   fun times!

This morning I just felt like one sick ducky.  My stomach is empty and it’s pure acid – so gross! It was crazy last night my body acted like it was so dehydrated!  Chemo or cancer?! I was drinking water by the gallons, it was pretty insane.  My veins did show I was plenty hydrated but my body said differently, couldn’t drink enough water.  I have this water jug in the fridge where I cut up fresh organic lemons and they go in the center canister so the lemon distributes evenly throughout the water and Tim says “Hey, did you see I filled up your water?” and haha yes I did bless his heart but I was only craving water with no lemon.  I certainly do not drink D.C water!  haha.. oh fun stuff…

I am bouncing back now or at least I am making myself! 🙂  I can’t stand being down for long and I think I’ve said before but chemo does not get any easier.  You think in the beginning that it is a total shock to your body – which it IS – but you do think you will get used to it and things will improve.  Things have and I have but it doesn’t necessarily make it any easier. I am so fortunate that I am still on treatment A (or Plan A) for about a year now and haven’t developed any of the long term side effects.  In time patients can develop neuropothy and other problems in their eyes, ears, stability and thought process (neurological).  I still exercise my brain daily because although “chemo brain” is the real deal, I really don’t want to lose any of my sharp-ness.  😉

I think the worst thing, at least being a girl (more hormonal aka cranky), is when you are sick and people ask you to do petty things.  You think “really?”  Get outa here!  This probably doesn’t pertain to anyone reading but some advise to those that know anyone that gets chemotherapy – don’t ask them for favors right after they go through that hell.  I was nudged on words with friends and I wanted to throw my phone.. haha!!  Ok, not really but that only makes me want to play when it’s about forfeit time, really people!

I still have this really ridiculous pain on my left side (spleen/pancreas) area.  It’s pretty annoying because I feel if this is working so well then why do I have this pain?  It’s not pain where I need morphine but dilaudid makes me tired and oxycodone/cotin doesn’t cut it nor does the fent patch. I believe I am getting another CT scan after my next treatment since it has been a while.  My oncologist believes the mass in my stomach has gone down and I have more “muscle tone” which I don’t understand.  My stomach has always been small and my ribs would stick out when I lay down so I am not sure where she is feeling the muscle town under the mass when I lay flat with the mass sticking out?!  ha.. confusing?  yea.. just hope my next CT shows some improvement where the cancer has metastasized.

Well I returned home this evening to see my house in need of some tlc.  I mean I clean rigorously everyday and my chemo week when I am sick it just seems to fall apart.  haha ohhh man!  I really don’t know how these 3 boys would live without me?!  The 4-legged ones have toys and blankets everywhere!!!!  They have more toys than a lot of children, how sad.  The big boy has never figured out that the dishes don’t get into the dish washer by themselves and “doing laundry” doesn’t end at the dryer.  Yes, yes I know I have been dealing with this for a decade or more but I don’t know how I lived when I was hospitalized for a month and bedridden for additional months.  I was truly sick to even live in a mess, ahh!  Take care and I’ll plan on having a faaaabulous Friday tomorrow!!!  I feel it in my bones and no it’s not this neulasta shot!!

xoxo ~Ashley