PET/CT scan – FAIL!

Happy FAT Tuesday!!!!  I was supposed to be in New Orleans today but changed the trip and thank goodness!  The weather is not very nice there and I’m happy here.  🙂 I hope all y’all enjoyed your paczkis today! Lucky! I didn’t.  I would have had someone brought them to me but I was going to get one myself so I remained good! ha.

I completely forgot to mention yesterday that Sunday morning I received my Washington Post as I do daily and a title caught my attention that read “Dying guitarist Wilco Johnson rocks till the end” and I thought ‘hmm.. I wonder what he is dying from’… of coarse, this article was about his pancreatic cancer diagnosis.  I had read about this online but forgot because I didn’t know who he was.  He was told he had “months to live”.  So was I… over a year ago…?   I did like that he stated that he’s been unexpectedly happy and “In fact it amounted at times to euphoria.”  You are thankful to be alive especially days after such a diagnosis.  It does stop you in your tracks and you start to notice the little things.  I remember being wheelchair’d around and noticing everything little from the paintings I found exquisite at the hospital to the leaves falling and flowers blossoming.

Fat Tuesday turned into a BIG FAT JOKE TUES for me!  How did my PET/CT scan go?  Normally I could say fine.  It went.  We’ll see what happens.  This time it did NOT happen.  I was SO annoyed to get a phone call advising my appointment had been canceled because my insurance company had not spoke with my Dr. yet to clarify that this scan was of necessity.  I am aware that insurance does clear these prior to having ti done and clear them to make sure it is a need basically.  YES it’s a damn need!! WHY hadn’t this been taken care of?!!?  It was over a week that this was scheduled and I know it doesn’t take a week and a 1/2 to make a little ol’ phone call.  I’m not sure if it’s my Dr’s fault or who exactly the balls court it was in but the fact it this really messed everything up!  I am not home the rest of the week and I get chemo Monday so next week is a bad time.  I was supposed to have the results by Monday! ah!  This has never happened before and it better not happen again!  Not a happy camper.

So I am pretty anxious about my trip.  I even shortened it because of my anxiety and Tims work.  A big part is my dogs. My babies!!  So I have a situation with my chocolate bundle-of-love labrador.  Ok, at Christmas in Michigan one night we went over to Tim’s cousins house and the dogs stayed at my bestie Jamies and she said she would keep them in her room so they wouldn’t bark in the am because she had to work.  All went well and the next day she said “Tank (chocolate lab) has MAJOR SEPARATION ANXIETY!!!! I knew he did to some degree because when the sun sets he freaks out and stairs out side and will bark at little noises if his mom (muah) or dad are not home.  When we are home together at night, all is fine.  Day time is fine.  If one is missing at night – not fine.  So leaving him with Jamie that night, she said he whimpered, cried and barked because he missed his parents.  Ahh!! Breaks my heart.  This is the same dog that LOST HIS VOICE (no joke!) from barking when he stayed overnight at the vet place that took his man parts when he was a puppy.  I’m stressing.  I know we have traveled a lot, a lot a lot over the years but he has gotten worse especially since I’ve gotten sick and we are all together more than being gone working 24/7.  I’ve had him in the best of hands where I payed for him to have pool time in a private indoor pool, massage and the whole 9 and it doesn’t matter.  I wish he could (both of them) could just go in my suitcase! 🙂    Ok. I’m done.

Since this week has not been good AT ALL with incidents and hormonal and todays crap… let’s hope I can relax in Florida a little.  I need more ativan! 🙂   If there are problems early tomorrow morning at the airport then I am just heading home, going back to bed and not moving until chemo Monday. haha!!  Goodbye.

xoxo ~Ashley

Every storm runs out of rain…

Just remember…

Every storm runs, runs out of rain
Just like every dark night turns into day
Every heartache will fade away
Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain….
~Gary Allen

This week was a tough one for me… sure it’s only Thursday…. but I have been doing this whole chemo thing for almost a year now and I know what to expect, I know how to feel.  This week kinda threw me off.  All went as planned on Monday with even better news of an awesome CA19 reading saying that this same treatment is working for me.  I expected to be icky Tuesday as I normally am.  My treatments are from early in the morning to late evening so it’s not an easy few hours or anything.  Then comes Wednesday and I feel like I did a year ago in the hospital when I felt like a drained, lifeless body.  It was one of those girl days where you could care less about the outside world, you could care less what you look like or how you smell.  All that mattered the past couple of days was that I had a bed to lay in with a comfy blanket and pillows.  I didn’t care to eat, get up or get around.  Unfortunately I had to take my dead body into the hospital yesterday to get a Neulasta shot.  I am the type that has a hard time relaxing and taking it easy.  I am always doing something and going 100+ mph so it was crazy to be thrown backwards for once.  I suppose it was the chemo.  I blamed myself in not rebounding quickly though because…. I don’t know why… I blame myself because I always feel like I can fix whats wrong in my life without help but I know thats not always possible.  I need help.  I need doctors.

I had to snap out of it today.  The rest did help.  Today I woke up feeling a bit better and had one of those days where I needed to shower, wash my bedding and clothes, and make sure I end the night with a hot bubble bath and wine!

In the pancreatic cancer news:

Wilko Johnson is choosing to go out on a high note. The former Dr. Feelgood guitarist and songwriter, who won a new legion of fans as mute executioner Ser Ilyn Payne on “Game of Thrones,” has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer and is choosing to forgo chemotherapy, according to his manager, Robert Hoy.

But, according to Hoy, the 65-year-old Johnson is determined to live life to the fullest for as long as he can.

“He is currently in good spirits, is not yet suffering any physical effects and can expect to enjoy at least another few months of reasonable health and activity,” Hoy’s post continued, detailing Johnson’s plans to finish a new CD, tour France, give a series of farewell concerts in the U.K. and release a live DVD from his last U.K. tour.

I am not familiar with the show but for those of you that are… there ya go.  I am of coarse for chemo although at one time went the other way with it because I believe in our bodies ability to fight for themselves but hey it’s his choice and everybody should always support the patients choice in what they want.

Goodnight world!

xoxo ~Ashley